


Don't Encourage Him

by Elpie (Horribibble)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alive Felix, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Dorian is a Language Nerd, Krem's POV, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Horribibble/pseuds/Elpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 5:24 AM and all Krem really wants is to enjoy a cup of overpriced coffee while he waits for the rest of the crew to show up.</p><p>Instead, he's being treated to a discourse on the universality of the 'F Bomb,' as experienced by the poncey vint two tables down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Encourage Him

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this video](http://c0t0paxi.tumblr.com/post/104645844884/when-people-tell-me-how-to-run-my-life). The original quotation was part of a documentary entitled Fuck, and has been edited for the purpose of this disaster. Bless this mess. 
> 
> (I just really like Tevene boys still learning Common and using adorable malapropisms.)
> 
> Do remember to [come say hi on tumblr.](http://anabundanceofstilinskis.tumblr.com/>come%20say%20hi%20on%20tumblr.</a>)

It's 5:24 AM and all Krem really wants is to enjoy a cup of overpriced coffee while he waits for the rest of the crew to show up. The client recommended the place for the meet, claiming that their muffins were 'delightful' and that the atmosphere was 'warm'.

As if he weren't hiring a band of mercenaries for some shadowy job he wasn't at liberty to talk about without a face to face. It all sounded pretty suspicious to Krem, but the boss had been willing.

At least the muffins were as advertised. Krem just wishes he could enjoy his without the trip down memory lane. His fingers close hard around the coffee cup as one of the pair of men seated two tables off throws up his hands demonstratively.

He's passionate about _something_. He's smiling, albeit tiredly, and his companion looks indulgent, interested. Their accents are both strongly and unrepentantly Tevene.

Krem spent years swallowing his, replacing vowel and consonant sounds and the uniquely confident lilt-and-drawl that came so naturally to the serpent's tongue. But these men flutter back and forth between easy Tevene and hard-edged Common.

The listener speaks with a soft, appeasing tone that reminds Krem rather awkwardly of his mother. The other has a harsher quality, like he's owed something other than a swift kick in the ass.

In the sorts of places frequented by the Chargers, the two would be foisted out faster than they could sit down, old grudges and horror stories blocking out any protests.

This place is too posh to give a shit.

Krem takes one deep breath, then another. He thinks, _Not my problem_ , and listens in to what is actually being discussed so emphatically.

“Of course the first thing you learn to say is foul.”

“No, my friend! It's _nuanced!”_

“My father would say they have corrupted you.” The kind one smiles despite the sentiment, the expression only growing more fond as his companion shakes his head.

“To understand a place, it is important to understand its languages. Aut disce aut discede.”

 _Either learn or leave._ A scholar, then. Or just a pompous ass. Krem snorts into his cup.

“Fine, fine! Enlighten me.”

“'Fuck' has so many _uses,_ Felix. We have so many different words to cover them all but--” The man _actually sounds enraptured_. “'Fuck off.' It's such a lovely pair of words! And international, too. It doesn't matter where you are. If someone touches your ass at a bar in Denerim and he's dressed to the nines in _Orlesian fashion_ , you can say, 'Fuck off!', and he knows exactly what you mean. Exact—he _will_ fuck off. Off he will fuck! 'Fuck off' doesn't mean 'go away.' 'Fuck off' means ' _ **Fuck. Off.'**_ ” He pauses again, this time to take a sip of his latte and dab the foam from his garish moustache. “And I think that's beautiful.”

The best part—the absolute _best part of this entire exchange—_ is that his friend is nodding along like this is all valuable linguistic information.

Krem doesn't know if he wants to throttle this man or pat him on the back.

And then in comes the boss, ducking a bit through the entryway so the shop's bells don't tangle up on his horns. The rest of the Chargers have no such problem, but Dalish takes the opportunity to record their fearless leader's plight for posterity. Because _really Krem what's the harm in gettin' our girls the best?_

(The answer was YouLuvian. YouLuvian was the harm. But it was mostly at Bull's expense, and they'd managed, of all things, to garner a fanbase.)

Krem grins at the sight, but pauses at the stir it causes at the language arts table.

“Oh,” The kind one says. “Would you, perhaps, be the Chargers?”

 _Fuck_ , Krem thinks. _Of course._

He watches in horror as his Boss gives the flash bastard with the old-timey villain moustache _elevator eyes._ No no no.

“My name is Felix Alexius, and this is my friend, Dorian. I'm afraid we need your help.”

_Shit._

**Author's Note:**

> Be careful out there. ;3


End file.
